


Mind of Shadows

by Rowanmoonlight



Series: Family is a Purple Bus [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Draco Malfoy Redemption, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Good Draco Malfoy, Grief/Mourning, Insomnia, M/M, Memory Loss, Newspapers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overworking, Smart Harry Potter, Study of Ancient Runes (Harry Potter), Temporary Amnesia, The Ministry of Magic is Awful, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, or he’s trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:14:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29181618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowanmoonlight/pseuds/Rowanmoonlight
Summary: Harry needs to save Cedric. To do so, he can’t be supervised by well meaning adults. So he leaves St. Mungo’s and makes himself at home in Potter Manor under layers of wards. He delves into the library and sinks further into grief while news of Voldemort’s return ripples across the country. But Harry can’t stay isolated forever, and September creeps closer.
Relationships: (background), Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter, Daphne Greengrass/Theodore Nott/Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Original Character(s), Harry Potter & Stan Shunpike, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom & Harry Potter, Padma Patil & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Theodore Nott & Harry Potter
Series: Family is a Purple Bus [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860721
Comments: 72
Kudos: 211





	1. Research

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to book three! A reminder that this fic starts off much darker and while it does get lighter, you should still be cautious. Please read the tags! Self harm, overworking as a coping mechanism, and not eating are all discussed and will continue to be discussed.

Harry stared up at the imposing Potter Manor. This was it. He had finally been released from St Mungo’s, managed to escape without going with Stan or Remus and Sirius, and could follow his plan. He allowed himself a small smile before dragging his trunk inside.

The only remaining house elf of the manor, Tibby, greeted him with great enthusiasm. She showed him to a bedroom and then left him alone. Despite it being his own house, Harry pulled on his invisibility cloak, his father’s, not Barty Crouch’s that he had kept, and went to find the library. Older pureblood families were said to have great libraries after all, and it surely had spells to protect it during its period of abandonment.

Harry pushed open a heavy door and was not disappointed. The library was simply massive, stretching out for rows and rows, even taking up a second floor. Lucy was quick to set off exploring the large space, but the four miniature dragons stayed attached to his clothes. As he walked along the aisles, small candles lit up at each end. The organization system seemed clear at least. Setting down two blank journals at a large table, Harry dove into the books.

He emerged, several hours later, carrying a large stack of thick tomes. All were on healing magic. There was a surprising amount of them in the library. Harry sat down and began to read. Slowly he progressed through the first book, taking his time to make sure he understood each and every concept, could see how the magics worked and connected. Eventually a plate of food appeared on the table next to him, but Harry ignored it.

A letter appeared next. And then another. And another. Harry pushed them across the table, unopened. He didn’t need to hear the frantic demands for his location, he needed to research healing magic. He needed to help Cedric.

The days repeated like that. A meager breakfast nearly shoved down his throat by Tibby, disappearing into the library under the invisibility cloak (he couldn’t bear to go long without it) and staying there all day. He didn’t eat lunch and it eventually stopped being sent. Dinner was small and one of the only times he had his invisibility cloak off outside of his room. Then he returned to the library once more. Slowly, his first journal filled with information on healing, all of it useful but not for him. Not for Cedric.

He wasn’t finding anything useful. Spells for cuts and burns and botched jinxes. Theories behind new healing techniques and speculation on mind healing. None of it was what he needed. All of the books said it was impossible, that the mind was delicate and easily broken and irreparable. Harry refused to accept it and kept on reading.

His eyesight got worse, he got better glasses. Letters kept arriving, he finally opened a couple and sent short responses with Hedwig telling them he wasn’t dead. When he looked out the windows, he saw the family graveyard. He stifled his screams by casting silencio on himself. No need to worry Tibby, after all.

It was after a week that he finally filled his first journal. It was packed with knowledge, spells and diagrams and important names. And none of it- none of it- was useful. It was only noon but he retreated to his room anyway. He tossed the journal onto an empty bookshelf and threw himself onto the bed. The empty walls taunted him. The lack of solutions taunted him.

Harry cast a silencing spell around his room and then he screamed. It probably sounded like he was dying, it certainly felt like he was. His heart was beating too fast and he was pretty sure he was crying but he couldn’t stop yelling. His hands scrambled for something to destroy but there was nothing. Nothing except himself. Harry dug his nails into his arms, into the still painful scar tissue, and relished in the pain. He deserved it.

He was useless. He got Cedric tortured, he couldn’t find a solution, he couldn’t even hold a bloody quill steady in his hands. He didn’t deserve Cedric’s love, didn’t deserve to see or to speak with those he called family. He had sent in a letter of resignation to the Knight Bus, he couldn’t waste time there, couldn’t ruin them too. He needed to focus on fixing things, to repair what he had broken.

Harry opened his eyes, not even knowing when he had shut them. His walls had peeled of all of their paint. His arms were bleeding from crescent moon wounds. He banished the paint, he hadn’t liked the color anyways, and cleaned up the blood. He knew his way around healing spells now, after all. May as well put his useless knowledge to use.

The next day, he returned to the library with another empty journal and started again. He dug up more books of healing of all kinds and origins. He found the most obscure references to mind healing. He sat at his table, surrounded by books and invisible except for his hand, and he worked.

Harry would fix things. Harry would save Cedric. He had to.


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry continues to isolate himself and stumbles across something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for semi-graphic gore in the second half.

Slipping into St Mungo’s behind someone else while invisible was easy. So was navigating his way to the permanent spell damage floor without alerting anyone to his presence. So was getting to the door of the Janus Thickey ward, also known as Ward 49. What was not easy, was pulling open the door and seeing Cedric sitting lifelessly on his bed. But Harry did it anyway.

He sat down next to Cedric as he always did, and intertwined their fingers. “I’m going to help you,” He promised. “I’ll get you back to normal. And then everything will be fine. You’ll be a Healer apprentice and I’ll go back to my fifth year and everything will work itself out. I’m researching every day, but I know it’s not enough. I’ll do better, for you, I promise.”

Harry kissed Cedric’s hand and ignored the burn in his heart, and slipped away again, as unnoticed as he had arrived. Later that day an anonymous donor gave St. Mungo’s one thousand galleons.

-

Harry slammed down books on his table, one after another. He had dragged another table next to it for even more space. There were now three stacks of books, organized by subject. Hermione would be proud, if he wrote her, but he didn’t. There were books on healing, rune magic, and dark curses. He had a journal for each, the second one on healing already halfway filled.

Flipping open the first page of the top rune book, Harry scanned until he found something worth writing down. He carefully picked up a quill and dipped it into his inkwell. It didn't matter, his handwriting continued to be shaky and awful. The Healers had given him exercises to do to strengthen his hands again, but they weren’t working yet.

Harry read and read and read. He found mentions of combination magic and experimental runes and theoretical practices. He found nothing useful, but he would  _ make _ it useful. It was three days later that he started making hundreds of possible rune circles to use, hundreds of combinations and materials and uses. At least one of them would have to work. At least one of those hundreds would make Cedric look at him in recognition. There had to be.

-

It was dark. All consuming darkness surrounded Harry and he could do nothing. His wand was somewhere else, his body tied down. A high laugh split the air and suddenly there was light. Harry wished there weren’t. Karkaroff lay at his feet, lifeless. Voldemort stood a few feet away, mocking him. Lucius Malfoy stood behind him, hands a bloody mess, no fingers left attached. They littered the ground, staining it dark red.

Voldemort turned and Cedric appeared. He stood, reaching for Harry and unwilling to move. Harry tried to warn him, to yell at him to go, but his mouth had disappeared and no sound emerged. “Dumbledore tells you that love conquers all, I must remind you that it is pain and fear and power that are strongest. Crucio!”

Cedric screamed, falling to the ground and writhing amongst pale fingers. Blood stained his face, turning him unrecognizable. Harry tried to scream but he still couldn’t speak. Voldemort turned, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your turn Boy Who Was Lucky. But first,  _ watch. _ ”

There was no Triwizard Cup for Cedric to take away. There was no end to the pain. It would never end. Not until they were both dead. And Voldemort would kill them eventually, but they would suffer first. Harry’s voice returned and he  _ screamed. _

The graveyard melted and changed into darkness once more, but Harry could still see. He was running, he had to escape Voldemort, had to get to Cedric, had to figure out how to heal him. There was a door at the end of the hallway. Harry reached out his fingers, he was so close he could almost touch it. His fingers strained but his body was wrapped in ropes once more and-

Harry sat up, gasping for air. His nightmares had gotten increasingly more graphic. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore he got out of bed and grabbed the invisibility cloak. He barely slept these days, unable to fall asleep and unable to stay asleep and unable to go back to sleep. At least it gave him extra time for research.

The library at night was not unfamiliar. The small candles at the end up each row lit up as he passed by. His books awaited him, imposing stacks even taller than Hermione’s when she was taking twelve courses at once. Harry sat and dragged a random book from the dark magic and curses pile towards him. It was mostly all things he had heard before, until he reached a passage several chapters in.

_ While generally frowned upon by light witches and wizards, sacrifice magic is not always harmful. Though, that’s not exactly true either. A better description would be that its range of harm can range drastically, even reaching only mild effects. Of course, this doesn’t matter, as most sacrifice magic has been lost to the ages except for some of the darkest rituals. Not many scholars have looked into recovering this lost knowledge as it is dark and has the potential for great damage, but it may be possible. _

The book continued on for a couple more paragraphs after that, explaining the history of sacrifice magic. Harry read it again. If he could just adapt it, recreate some kind of ritual, possibly combine it with runes… No. The book said that it was always harmful. He didn’t need to rely on something so dark. He still had other options. Tomorrow, or rather that day, he would go to St. Mungo’s and test the most recent creation of his. A potion that he had so carefully balanced and spent hours perfecting that even Snape wouldn’t be able to find something to criticize about it. A potion that should help Cedric retain his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see these early chapters are a bit short. I think for the rest of February I’m going to post only on Saturdays just so I can get past a little bit of writers block. Not anything bad, it’s more that my interest is currently focused on other writing, I just have to force myself to write a few hundred words and then I’ll be fine. I’m writing chapter twenty three which happens to be Valentine’s Day. As you can imagine, hard to write, especially since I don’t actually know anything about relationships.  
> I’m hoping to get in lots of writing in the third week of February which is break. I’m almost to 150k words since November! Super proud of myself :)  
> Also, thank you to everyone who has been commenting! My inbox is a bit flooded and I haven’t responded to any yet, but I read them all! I’m glad that you’ve enjoyed my writing and despair at the Cedric plot twist. I think I even made myself cry at one point. Sorry, but it won’t get happier for a little while and the Cedric issue is definitely not an easily resolved challenge. This is going to be a big thing for Harry and will push him to changing himself, for good and bad. Anyway, I’ll see you next Saturday for some newspaper articles (which will also be a reoccurring feature)!


	3. A Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries out the potion he made and makes an unpleasant visit.

**_ Assistant Didn’t Know Boss Was Death Eater In Disguise! _ **

_ At the end of June it was revealed that Mr. Bartemius Crouch had been impersonated by Death Eater Lucius Malfoy for months! Malfoy used polyjuice potion to take Mr. Crouch’s place from early September until the winter holidays. At this time, Crouch died while being held hostage in Malfoy Manor, rendering the potion useless. Determined to keep the charade going, Malfoy sent letters with instructions to Percy Weasley, Crouch’s ambitious young assistant. How did Weasley fail to notice his boss acting differently? Why did he not question why Crouch stopped coming into work? As of yesterday evening, Percy Weasley was fired from the Ministry. More on page 6... _

Harry flipped through the Daily Prophet. Percy had been fired. He wondered how he was taking it, working for the Ministry had been his one goal in life. He set down the newspaper next to the troubling letter at the breakfast table.

The latest tactic to get him to live with someone was to threaten sicking the Ministry on him. While Harry was pretty sure Remus and Sirius wouldn’t go through with it, it couldn’t hurt to find a solution. But that was a problem for later. Right now, he would be visiting Cedric. And hopefully healing him.

As usual, Harry asked Tibby to apparate him to the outside of St. Mungo’s. He adjusted his invisibility cloak and waited for someone to open the entrance so he could follow them in. He didn’t have to wait long and soon Harry was hurrying to the Janus Thickey ward, clutching the vial of his experimental potion to his chest.

Harry unlocked the door to the ward, taking a peek to make sure no healers were inside before entering. He made his way over to Cedric, looking into his eyes and taking one hand to judge if there was any reaction, and because he wanted to hold his hand. Cedric’s eyes flickered slightly and his fingers flexed just a bit, signaling that he was likely starting to become aware again.

“Okay, Cedric, here you go.” Feeding Cedric the potion without him knowing still felt odd, despite the fact that he had his permission.

Slowly, Cedric’s eyes focused on Harry’s face. “Harry,” He breathed. Then he scrunched up his brow a bit, “What did you do? My memories came back right away instead of slowly fading in.”

“I completed my potion. Can you feel anything else? Do you think it’s permanent?” Harry needed to know if he had succeeded, if he had managed to fix things.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think it worked completely, I can still feel the blankness in the back of my mind, but it’s better.” Cedric laid a hand on Harry’s shoulder, “You’re not working too hard, right? You’ve done something amazing already, you don’t have to push yourself.”

Harry gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry Cedric. I’m still doing fine, just a little worried about this.”

“I love you. No matter what you do or manage to accomplish, I love you anyway, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know. I love you too.” If Harry could just heal Cedric then everything would be great, would go back to normal. Harry could say ‘I love you’ to Cedric without worrying that the other boy couldn’t respond.

-

**_ Fudge Voted Out! Scrimgeour New Minister! _ **

_ On the twenty-fourth of June, Harry Potter started claiming that He Who Must Not Be Named had returned. All evidence supported this claim, the surprisingly alive Barty Crouch Jr as well as the interrogation of Lucius Malfoy and the torture of Cedric Diggory. Despite this, the Minister denied the facts. But his reign is over, as he was recently voted out of office and replaced by Head of the Aurors, Rufus Scrimgeour. How will our new Minister be approaching the oncoming war? Through tightening restrictions on dark creatures, increasing auror numbers, and working to prevent economic collapse. More about Scrimgeour and his planned policies on page 3... _

-

Harry walked down a street that he had hoped he would never see again. Privet Drive was as perfectly average as ever, lawns cut to precise lengths, shutters evenly painted, driveways void of any cracks. He had spent ten years wandering this neighborhood, dreaming of leaving to never return. And here he was, coming back again.

Standing on the doorway to Number Four, Harry braced himself, and knocked. The door swung open to reveal a purse lipped Aunt Petunia, “What?” She snapped. “I thought you had finally decided to stay away. Don’t tell me you want to come crawling back.”

Harry took a deep breath and held out a couple of papers. “I’m not. I’m never coming back if I can help it. And you’re going to help me by signing these.”

“What are they?” She asked in suspicion, gingerly taking the papers.

“Emancipation papers. You sign them and you never have to deal with me or people like me ever again.”

Her eyes met his and for a moment Harry thought he saw regret, but it was gone too quick to be sure. “I’ll sign them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did way too much reading on emancipation for this. Also, I definitely did not intend to write that part, but then I was like ‘have the Dursleys marked him missing??’
> 
> I continue to not want to write the next chapter! Yayyyy. I need some writing inspiration. Also I promise that the chapters get longer and more interesting.


	4. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gets emancipated and makes a decision about his plan to heal Cedric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, I apologize. I swear that the next one is longer!

“Well Mr. Potter, I don’t see any reason to force you to stay with your guardians. You have family money, a home, and still plan on returning to school.”

“Thank you Madame Bones. I really appreciate it.” Harry smiled at the judge who had just freed him from the Dursleys. Who had given him the ability to focus as much as he wanted on saving Cedric.

He left Amelia Bones’s office and swung his invisibility cloak over his shoulders, no need for anyone to snap a picture of him in the Ministry. Harry only got slightly lost on his way out, finding the telephone booth exit soon enough. Stepping out into muggle London, Harry called out for Tibby.

“Is you being done, Mr. Potter?” She squeaked, trying to find where he was standing.

Harry sighed, that was the closest he could get her to calling him Harry.“Yes, I’m done. Can you take me back now?”

“Yes sir! Right away!” She grabbed onto Harry’s arm, which he had stuck out from under the cloak, and whisked him away.

Upon appearing in Potter Manor Harry immediately set off for the library. Not even needing to see him to know where he was going, Tibby called out, “I is bringing you dinner in the library!”

“Thanks Tibby,” Harry replied, before disappearing into the library.

The rows and rows of books greeted him, candles flickering happily as he sat down at his table. Harry looked at his piles and piles of books, at his journals full of research, at the pages of work that he put into the potion for Cedric. He gave himself a moment, just one moment, to bury his head in his hands. Then he pulled himself together again, he had work to do.

The potion hadn’t worked as intended. When Cedric came back to awareness his memories returned faster and with more clarity, but the potion did not keep him that way or even extend the amount of time. Potions maybe weren’t the way to go. Harry needed to go back to something he was confident in, something he was good at. Runes.

Despite his earlier protests to it, Harry found himself researching sacrifice magic. He reasoned with himself that he couldn’t find any other solutions, that this could hold the key, that he wouldn’t do any real harm to himself or others. So he studied and studied and ignored the dinner that Tibby brought to him. Harry wrote out complex rune combinations that would hopefully work as intended and not blow up in his face. He combined it with sacrifice magic by using runes and balancing the sacrificed thing into the circle’s grammar. This was going to work.

Harry stretched and lazily cast tempus, eyes widening when he saw that it was three in the morning. He hadn’t meant to stay up that late, though he probably would have anyways. Sleep didn’t come easy these days. His time was better spent researching even if he had been able to fall asleep. Still, he should probably head to bed. Before leaving he hesitated, then took some of his work with him.

The walls of his room had a new coat of paint over them, curtesy of Tibby, and were no longer blank. No, now they were covered in the most recent editions of rune magazines, interviews with healers, and some of his own connections in his research.

He lay in bed, staring up at the white ceiling for what felt like hours. Every night was like this. He tried to go to sleep, he really did, but it just didn’t happen. Finally giving up, Harry sat up and lit up the room with a dim lumos. He reached a hand over to his bedside table and grabbed his rune journal again. If he wasn’t going to sleep he may as well try to finish creating a minor sacrifice circle.

Ignoring his hands shaking from overuse, Harry summoned a quill. One of the greatest perks of being an emancipated wizard was the removal of the trace, he could do magic whenever he wanted to now without even needing to be in a place that could hide him from the trace. Dipping in quill into the ink, Harry resumed work.

Outside, the sky gradually grew lighter and lighter. Harry had a pounding headache from eye strain and his hand was cramped. But he kept going. Kept going until he finally passed out, that is.

-

_**How Narcissa Malfoy Escaped Her Death Eater Husband** _

_Since Lucius Malfoy was arrested, tried, and sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban everyone has been wondering where his wife and son are. During the raid on Malfoy Manor neither Narcissa nor Draco Malfoy were there and Lucius Malfoy confirmed under veritaserum that they were not involved in the plot to revive He Who Must Not Be Named. Until recently, their location had been a mystery and many thought them dead. But just earlier today Narcissa revealed herself to the Ministry. She had managed to escape with her son, unwilling to support her husband or his master. She then spent quite some time trying to find the elusive Sirius Black, her cousin, and convincing him to give her asylum in their ancestral home and nullify her marriage to Lucius. As of just a couple of hours ago, Narcissa Malfoy is once again Narcissa Black. The location of where she is staying remains a secret to protect her and her son from possible Death Eater retaliation. To read more, find page four…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emancipated wizards definitely don’t have the trace and I will stand by this plot convenience. Actually I had just planned to have all of his magic be hidden by the Potter Manor wards, but then it popped into my head when I came up with Harry getting emancipated.
> 
> I promise that more plot starts happening next chapter. This book just requires a bit more set up than the previous two. And to the people who wanted to know if Draco was going to get a redemption or anything, here’s the first clue.
> 
> I apologize for the lack of response to comments, I just don’t have the brain power to do it currently. February break is almost over and I have written only around 300 words for this book due to writers block. I used to be so good at time management, what happened? No worries about this being discontinued or anything, I still have twenty more chapters pre written. I just might take longer to transition back to Wednesday/Saturday updates.


	5. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sacrifice, and healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISED A LONG CHAPTER AND HERE IT IS!

The sacrifice rune circle was complete, and Harry was going to test it. He stood in a completely empty room of Potter manor, the rune circle as well as its smaller counterparts drawn out on the floor in ink. Now, all he had to do was sacrifice something. While many darker wizards used things like the life force of others or killed small animals, Harry would be using something much less valuable. Sleep, and perhaps blood.

He stood in the center of the rune circle and tapped it with his wand, simply channeling pure magical power into it instead of a spell. He focused on the intent of giving two hours of sleep up in return for Cedric getting ten minutes of awareness, which seemed to be the best deal he could get. The runes glowed slightly, reaching out and testing themselves in the world, before accepting his sacrifice and giving in return. The runes dimmed and a wave of exhaustion came over Harry. It wasn’t just losing sleep then, it was feeling extra exhaustion as well. It was worth it.

Harry stepped out of the room, calling out for Tibby as he did. His patient elf appeared with the invisibility cloak, immediately taking him to St. Mungo’s as planned. Harry strode inside behind a father and daughter pair, the daughter with some kind of green rash, and raced up to the floor for permanent spell damage.

He unlocked the door, flinging it open and barely thinking of the possible healers inside, and headed straight for Cedric. Luckily, the room was empty of anyone other than the patients. Harry paused before opening Cedric’s closed curtain, a wave of doubt overcoming him, what if it hadn’t worked? But what if it had. He drew the curtain, pulling off the cloak as he did so.

“Harry? You got a lucky time, I came back about two minutes ago.” Cedric was laying down, reading a book which he closed upon seeing Harry.

“I know! I did it!”

Cedric’s eyes widened, “You figured out how to pull me back?”

“Yes, it’s not permanent, not yet anyway, but you should have about ten minutes with how much power I used. I’ll see if I can find a way to make it last longer, I’ll make it work better.” Harry could practically see it, just a few more hours of sleep, possibly getting an hour with Cedric. Gradually working his way up, maybe finding a better thing to lose, being able to bring him back to awareness for days at a time, enough to let him live a normal life.

Cedric smiled warmly at him, “I won’t say that I wouldn’t love to be here more often, but don’t overdo it. I can see the bags under your eyes love.”

Harry winced, “I had trouble sleeping last night so I ended up finishing my project that allows me to do this.”

“Try to get some more rest, you look like you need it. I’ll be fine if you take a couple more days than you would have if you didn’t sleep.”

“I promise that I’ll try to take better care of myself.” And the best way for Harry to take care of himself was to help Cedric, after all, helping Cedric helped Harry. “Now, do you want to hear about this super cool thing I learned about healing cuts imbued with magic?”

Cedric’s eyes lit up, “Yes!”

-

_Day one of testing_

_Two hours of sleep sacrificed, gave Cedric ten minutes._

_Day two of testing_

_Three hours of sleep sacrificed, gave Cedric fifteen minutes._

_Day three of testing_

_Four hours of sleep sacrificed, gave Cedric half an hour, best ratio so far._

_Day six of testing_

_Five hours of sleep sacrificed, gave Cedric twenty-five minutes, less ideal ratio._

_Day seven of testing_

_Experimenting with more time, whole night of sleep sacrificed, gave Cedric an hour, likely unsustainable, having trouble staying awake._

_Day fifteen of testing_

_Four hours of sleep sacrificed, only twenty-five minutes, less effective, possible reasons- sleep deprived, sleep has less value, overuse has lowered effectiveness._

_Day seventeen of testing_

_Four hours of sleep sacrificed, gave nineteen minutes to Cedric, need to find something more effective, having trouble sleeping even when not sacrificed._

_Day eighteen of testing_

_Two hours of sleep sacrificed, one drop of blood sacrificed, gave Cedric two hours! Blood is much more effective, drawbacks: cannot give a lot._

_Day twenty of testing_

_Two hours of sleep sacrificed, wrote runes in blood, gave Cedric six hours!! Allowed myself a few days off of testing to collect blood for runes, is most effective yet. Edit: Sadly blood is used up after three uses and cannot be sustained easily._

_Day thirty of testing_

_Four hours of sleep sacrificed, wrote runes in blood, tried giving one hour of enjoyment from a meal, gave Cedric two hours. Effectiveness has decreased drastically, soon won’t be any use at all, need a solution, cannot sacrifice anything else, Cedric would kill me if I used a year off my life to give him time. More rune research?_

-

Harry buried his head in his hands after writing his thirtieth entry. The effectiveness of the sacrificial runes decreased after each try. He needed something better, preferably easier to sustain but that at the very least would keep its effectiveness. It was time to research again. But not in his books. No, Harry would be doing completely experimental rune work that he had been contemplating for months before the third task. The application of permanent runes on humans.

Nobody had ever attempted anything like it. The closest thing was tattoos of a single rune or the most basic of rune circles, nothing like what Harry would be doing. First he needed to come up with the best combination, to make the runes interact in a way that made sense and wasn’t just a bunch of symbolism slapped together. Mistakes in such a permanent rune circle could be fatal. He also needed to plan out where the tattoo would be, its size and placement. Legs? Chest? Throat? Arms? Symbolism was important but so was practicality, they needed to be in a place they fit.

Another big question was how would he get a tattoo. There were wizarding tattoo parlors, he had seen one before in Diagon Alley, but would they allow him to get one? Perhaps he would have to try a place less likely to ask questions about it. Which color ink should he choose? Black or red would be most fitting, though plain black was more likely to be stable. How would using the runes affect the ink? Would it wear off like regular ink on parchment runes? Harry would have to find the answers to a lot of questions before he even attempted getting a tattoo.

Harry researched and wrote anonymous letters of questions and practiced and theorized until he was sure that everything was perfect. He had a complete design in mind, two circles of runes wrapping around his wrist, the same two copied on the other wrist made with unmoving, unmagical black ink. He even had an appointment with one of the tattoo parlors he found that wouldn’t ask too many questions. It was in Knockturn Alley, so he worried about cleanliness and safety and craftsmanship at first, but apparently it was reputable. For Knockturn Alley, that is.

Harry made sure to disguise himself completely before leaving. He charmed his hair a different color for the first time since the end of school, though it was only to a light brown. He covered up his scar, pulled back his hair with the pin Cedric had given him for Christmas, managed to spell his facial features to look different, and even transfigured his glasses into a different shape for the day. While someone who knew him well would be able to see through some of the disguise, most people wouldn’t. He was taking no risks in hiding his identity.

Striding down Diagon Alley, walking through bustling crowds and cheerful chatter, Harry felt overwhelmed and exposed. He had not been around people other than Tibby, Cedric, Neville, Aunt Petunia, and Madame Bones without the invisibility cloak on. He had not been in a crowded place other than the St. Mungo’s waiting room since Hogwarts. While still as magical as ever, Diagon Alley seemed a little darker past the laughter. Little stalls selling defensive amulets had started to set up shop along the edges of the road, there were one or two shops with boarded up windows. Harry hurried past it all, and into Knockturn Alley.

The difference between the two streets was obvious and immediately noticeable. While Diagon Alley had its usual air, Knockturn was filled with worried whispers and hooded figures casting everyone suspicious glances. It seemed as though everyone was anticipating something big, whether they were in support of it or not. Harry ignored the looks he got and the nastier wares that were being sold. The tattoo parlor, Pure Ink, at least looked clean and respectable, raising Harry’s hopes significantly.

He pushed open the door and the young, heavily tattooed man at the counter looked up. “You got an appointment or are you here to talk?”

“Appointment for Andrew Diggins.” Harry had come up with another fake name for the appointment, not wanting to use David Thorin.

“Up front payment?” Harry dutifully handed over the gold. “Go on back through that door. She’s expecting you.”

Harry swallowed nervously and headed through the indicated door. He had heard that tattoos hurt a lot, but it shouldn’t be too much to handle. After all, no tiny needle could compare to the cruciatus curse.

A woman with dirty blonde hair looked up as he entered the room. Her eyes were a piercing, unnatural blue color that made Harry shiver. “Ready to get started? You already sent all of the information for your tattoos, but are there any changes you’d like to make?”

“No, that’s what I want still.”

The process of actually getting the tattoos took several hours, as some of the runes could be quite complex. After he finally finished, got care instructions, and left the parlor, it was dark outside. Harry hurried outside, quickly escaping the even darker Knockturn Alley, as entering Diagon Alley. He wasted no time in finding a more empty spot on the street and calling for Tibby. Harry suspected that his disguise spells would be starting to wear off soon. Tibby appeared, gingerly took one of his hands in hers, and whisked them away.

-

Standing in the Janus Thickey ward, Harry prepared himself for the first attempt of healing Cedric with his rune tattoos. Cedric wasn’t aware at the moment, which was good for testing. Harry just needed to take the next step, to try it out.

Harry sat down on the empty bed across from Cedric. He took Cedric’s hands in his own, trying not to shudder at their limp quality. This would work. Harry allowed the runes to power themselves up. Unlike runes on a non living surface, which needed someone to put magic into them, the runes on his skin would be taking as much magic as was required to make Cedric’s mind heal. He couldn’t run out of magic of course, but he was likely to feel sick afterwards.

The small black runes began to glow, Harry allowed himself a small smile, he had been right that the runes would continue to glow even on skin. He could practically feel the runes taking his power, filling themselves up and then moving it down his arms and into Cedric. The magic, now taking shape as healing, reached Cedric’s brain. Harry could taste his magic all over Cedric and even seeping into the air around him.

Cedric blinked. Looked at Harry. Smiled.

Harry gasped, partly in shocked delight and partly from the steady burn from his curse wound, and immediately pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you!”

“I love you too Harry. I love you so much,” Cedric murmured. “What did you change this time?”

His eyes then traveled down to their joined hands. “Are those- Did you get a tattoo!” It was more an exclamation than a question.

“Um, yes? Do you remember me talking about them last year?” Oh god, Cedric was going to be so mad.

“I remember you saying that nobody has ever tried it on this scale!” Cedric practically shouted, “What if you had gotten hurt? Or done something completely irreversible if it messed up?”

“I made sure it was safe! I tried so many combinations, I researched for days on end! Do you know how long I spent making sure that everything would go right?”

Cedric spat, “No, I don’t, actually.”

Then he paused, “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I know it’s been hard for you, and I’m sure that you tried your best to make it safe. The thing is, it’s completely experimental magic and I’m so worried about you and I can’t even do anything about it.”

“It’s okay. I,” Harry paused, he would keep whatever promise he made to Cedric today. “I’ll do my best to be safe.”

Harry was then overcome with a wave of exhaustion, even worse than going a night without sleeping. He almost fell forwards onto the floor, but Cedric caught him.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Harry? When’s the last time you slept?” Cedric looked him over worriedly.

“Last night.” Harry yawned. “This is part of the runes. I used a lot of magic, like, more than I ever have before. It just means I’m super tired. Oh, I also need to test my spell capabilities.”

Cedric gave him an unsure look, “So this isn’t permanent? Just an aftereffect?”

“Yup.” Harry pulled out his wand and started to test, “Wingardium leviosa. Lumos. Nox.”

Only a couple of spells in, he was struggling to make his wand cooperate. Wands were tools that helped wizards direct their magic, but that wouldn’t help much if he only had the tiniest bit of magic left. Maybe he could be trained to do better with less magic, but he didn’t want to waste the time he had with Cedric.

“So, what have I missed in the past couple of days? It has been days, I’m assuming.”

Harry grinned, “You are not going to believe this.”

-

A couple of days later and Harry was fully prepared to use his tattoos again. While his magic had replenished to a perfectly good amount only a couple hours after leaving St. Mungo’s, he needed more than that to use the runes. Casting regular spells was like pulling one cup of water out of a swimming pool at a time, while using the runes was like pulling the drain. He would likely never get as drained from casting spells as he would from personally powering rune circles of that strength.

Mrs. Diggory had sent him a letter thanking him the day he tried his tattoos. Apparently Cedric had stayed aware for several hours after he had left, allowing her to talk with her son when she visited. So he was going again.

However, the Janus Thickey ward was not empty. Harry could hear someone talking softly inside. Occasionally there would be a healer, but this voice sounded familiar. Harry pushed open the door and took off his invisibility cloak.

Neville looked up at the sound of the door opening. He gave Harry a small smile. “I haven’t seen you in awhile Harry. I was getting a little worried.”

Harry returned the smile, Neville was one of the only people that he hadn’t hidden away from. In fact, he had even created a friendship with the boy. “I guess we’ve been coming at different times. I’ve also taken a few days off now and then.”

“That’s good. You’ve looked dead on your feet a couple of times. I was getting worried that I would have to actually tell someone where to find you.” Neville gave him an apologetic grin.

“I’m trying to be better, but I have trouble falling asleep.” Not a lie. Even before sacrificing sleep Harry never slept well, and after it had gotten even worse. He was lucky to get five hours in a night.

Neville nodded, “I get that. After Moody’s class last year I couldn’t sleep for two weeks.”

The class Neville was referring to was the class where he demonstrated the cruciatus curse. It occasionally entered Harry’s nightmares, but with Barty Crouch Jr. as the professor and Cedric as the spider.

Harry’s brain then sputtered to a halt, then kicked into high gear. While he had been mostly focusing on Cedric, he had attempted his other solutions on Frank and Alice as well. They hadn’t worked at all, but maybe the runes, which were so much stronger, would. “Hey, Neville. I found a way to give Cedric several hours. I know that everything else hasn’t worked, but would you like me to try it?”

Neville bit his lip. “Go for it. I’m not expecting anything, but it can’t hurt to try. Right?”

Harry gave him a nod and moved to the bed of Frank Longbottom. He took the man’s hands and focused on the runes. They started to glow but then stopped. Harry winced, his mind had been destroyed so thoroughly that even the rune tattoos couldn’t help him. Neville bit his lip and looked away.

Harry turned his attention to Alice instead. She could walk and sort of understood that Neville was important to her, and was overall in better health. He took her small hands in his and focused on the runes, on her mind, on healing her if only for a second. The runes began to glow, getting brighter and brighter until the magic began to transfer and twist itself into the desired effect.

Neville let out a gasp, but Harry didn’t break his focus. He needed to put all of his focus into sensing how the magic helped Alice, tasting how it changed, feeling how much energy it took from him. The magic stopped flowing, all gone, and Harry nearly passed out again. He managed to catch himself and looked eagerly at Alice.

She was still staring absentmindedly into space. He bit down a wave of disappointment. But then Neville stepped into her line of sight, and her eyes focused slightly on him. Nowhere near as well as Cedric did, but still better than she had been in fourteen years. She whispered something so softly that Harry barely heard it. “Neville.”

She said nothing else, only dropping a gum wrapper into Neville’s hand, but Neville stared and stared as tears began to drip down his face. “Mum.”

Then, she uttered one more word, barely a whisper. “Proud.”

Harry sat down onto an empty bed, feeling very much like an intruder as Neville hugged his mum. Then Neville turned, face wet and beaming, and launched himself at Harry. “Thank you Harry. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you,  _ thank you. _ ”

“It’s, it’s nothing Nev. You deserve to talk with her just as much as I get to talk with Cedric.” Harry hugged the boy, tired and so very happy that he could given Neville this.

“It’s the only thing she’s said since that night.  _ Thank you. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neville’s story always makes me so sad. Like, actually upset. Let him know that his parents love him god damn it!  
> Anyway. Harry continues to be an unhealthy teen with zero adults supervising him.  
> And I continue to want to write anything but the next chapter. It is a serious problem. Perhaps on Tuesday I’ll force myself to do a writing day and finally finish that chapter. At this point I’m just avoiding it even though I could probably write it, I just don’t know if I can write it well currently. I’m trying to work on pacing and relations between characters and both are very prevalent in that specific chapter. Ugh. Why is this my hobby again?  
> Also I apparently forgot to add the Cedric character tag?? Lol


	6. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter for everyone who wanted Harry to GET SOME HELP.

Good things could not last. That was Harry’s thought as Remus and Gary stepped into the Janus Thickey ward. He and Neville had been speaking quietly, Harry was still recovering his magic from healing Alice the day before, so they were just talking. As the two men entered Neville turned and frantically told Harry, “I didn’t tell anyone! I promise!”

“I know Neville. But they can’t really do anything, I got myself emancipated.” Harry stood, attempting to look much braver than he felt. “So you found me. What do you want?”

Gary gave him a sad smile, “What we want? We want to make sure that you’re okay. After being released from St. Mungo’s you disappeared. We had no way of knowing what was happening with you.”

“I sent letters.” Very short, practically useless letters, but letters nonetheless.

“Harry,” Remus sighed, “We understand that you’re grieving. We understand probably better than most of the other adults who care for you. I lost my mother, some of my best friends, believed that one was a traitor for twelve years. Gary lost his husband, children, and grandchildren. We understand.”

Gary continued, “And because we understand we want to help you.”

“I don’t need help! I am doing perfectly fine on my own!”

“You are still a child. A child who has barely interacted with anyone since the start of the summer. A child with dark eyebags who is still recovering from torture and dealing with grief. Harry, you need help.” Remus walked forward and put a hand on Harry’s shoulder. Neville slipped out the door behind him.

“No, I don’t. Do you know how much I’ve been doing? I’ve researched master level healing and runes, researched lost types of magic, invented a revolutionary new application of runes!”

Gary snorted, “Kid, that’s exactly it. You’re doing  _ too  _ much. You aren’t grieving, you’re avoiding it. Trust me, I know what it looks like, what it feels like. You aren’t alone in this, you don’t have to be. I promise.”

“But I need to-”

“Sleep more? Eat more? Maybe go outside or talk with one of your friends?” Remus sighed, “Harry, you’ve lost weight that you didn’t have to lose. You look awful. You may be emancipated, but you clearly aren’t taking care of yourself.”

Harry went to protest again, but a voice interrupted him. “Harry, he’s right. Please listen to them.” It was Cedric. At some point he had become aware again on his own without anyone noticing.

“But, Cedric,” Harry turned around and stopped. He couldn’t argue with Cedric, not while he had that look of concern and worry. “What do you want me to do? I’m not going back to the Dursleys.”

“Of course not!” Gary said immediately. “No, you’re going to go stay with Stan for a couple of days and then you’re going to get moved into a safehouse of some kind with a bunch of other people.”

Harry’s skin crawled at the thought of living with lots of other people. “I’d stay with Stan at first?” He didn’t know if he could face Stan after he had ignored the man’s worried letters so much. What if Stan didn’t want him? “Is he…”

“Mad?” Gary laughed, “Kid, I don’t think Stan could ever be really mad at you. Worried and upset, sure. But not mad. He’ll just be glad to see you safe, to help you recover.”

Gary and Remus were smiling at him, looking hopeful. They really did just want to help him. But… “Cedric?”

“Go ahead Harry. I know that you aren’t abandoning me or anything.” 

Harry walked over to his boyfriend and pulled him in for a kiss, expertly ignoring the burn of his heart. “Love you.”

“I love you too. Now get some sleep before you pass out in front of me.” Cedric gave Harry a little push back towards the two men.

“Okay. I- I’ll stay with Stan. Just let me get my things.”

-

“Jesus Christ kid, ‘ow many books and journals do you need?”

Harry glared at Stan around his stack of books, “All of them. And since when do you say that?”

“‘Eard it over the summer from Sophia, she knows a surprising amount of muggle slang.” Stan had a dreamy look on his face when he talked about Sophia and a pang shot through Harry’s heart.

Finally, Harry set his last stack of books down inside. He was glad to have his old room at the Crash House back, it seemed much more like home than his room at Potter Manor. Even if it was a bit cramped with his school trunk, a second trunk full of books and research, and another bookshelf full of his journals and most referenced books.

“So,” Stan sat down next to Harry on his bed. “Let’s go over your rules.”

“Rules? What do I need rules for?” Harry was just a bit offended. “I’m not going to do anything!”

Stan waved a hand, “I don’t care about the regular teenage stuff. No, I’m talking about your rules for working. You can spend a maximum of five ‘ours doing research or experimentation or whatever else you want to call it.”

“Only five?” Harry seriously considered leaving, but it would take too long to move all of his books.

Stan nodded, completely serious, “You can’t go overworking yourself like you ‘ave been. I’m going to make sure that you don’t work yourself too ‘ard. I’ll give you one extra ‘our a week to be applied whenever you want. Rule two, you ‘ave to eat. Three meals a day. We’ll start you off small since you apparently ‘aven’t eaten lunch in forever.”

“Fine.” Harry did not protest the eating. If he already had limited research time then eating wouldn’t subtract from it. Also, he had missed eating, even if he had only now noticed it.

“Rule three, you ‘ave to be in your bed, lights off and books away before two in the morning. You obviously need more sleep.”

Harry protested right away, “I can’t fall asleep that early!”

“I never said you ‘ad to be asleep then, just trying. We’ll be working on your sleep schedule as well.” Stan gave Harry a pointed look, clearly referencing his eyebags. “That’s all the rules for now. There may be more, or maybe we’ll take one away, but we’ll ‘ave to see ‘ow you’re adjusting first.”

Harry forced himself to nod, “Okay.”

Stan then dropped his serious face and pulled Harry into a tight hug. “I missed you, you idiot. I’ve ‘ad to survive so long without my little brother.”   
Harry hugged him right back, “I missed you too. And, I’m sorry that I didn’t write more. I should have.”

“Damn straight.” Stan hugged him harder, but Harry didn’t mind. Not at all.

The days settled into a routine. Harry would wake up early, think about sneaking in extra research time and then not do it because he felt guilty, make breakfast for him and Stan, and retreat to his room to research for two hours. At some point Stan would drag him out for lunch and Harry would attempt to eat his small portions. Harry would then try writing letters to his friends and family, as suggested by Stan. He had managed to send extremely awkward letters of apology to Ron and Hermione so far, which had gotten enthusiastic replies, as well as one to Ernie. Then he would go back to the his room and use the remaining hours of his research. After his hours were used up he called Tibby and visited Cedric for an hour. Stan had forbidden him from using his tattoos more than once a week and he didn’t have the space for a sacrifice circle, not that he wanted to use one again, so sometimes it was spent alone unless Neville was there. Harry would come back, help Stan make dinner, and feel increasingly anxious as he didn’t spend all of his time doing work. Finally, he went to bed and lay there attempting to do research in his head to quell the thoughts of failure. Then came the nightmares.

His nightmares had only gotten wore since returning to the Crash House. They used to be repeats of the graveyard with the events twisted to be even worse, the occasional ending being a long hallway. Now, plagued by insecurity and worry that he wasn’t doing enough for Cedric, his nightmares had taken on a whole new level.

Finally Stan sat him down after several days of this. “I’ve been planning this, but now you’re going to do it. I’ve made you an appointment with a Mind ‘Ealer.”

Harry thought about it. “They’d be able to help me with the nightmares.”

Stan nodded, “And probably other things too.”

And that was that. Harry would see a Mind Healer the next day.

-

Healer Tilonel was a graying man who was quite tall and had a fantastically decorated beard. He almost looked like a younger Dumbledore, if Dumbledore wore bells and ribbons in his hair and had ever worn lime green robes. The very first session was a bit uncomfortable, but Harry soon got used to them. At first there were no improvements, but that was apparently to be expected. Then, Healer Tilonel suggested occlumency.

“It’s something that I often prescribe to patients who have issues with the self. Nothing advanced, just the most basic parts about mind organization. It can help you see patterns in your own thoughts. Would you like to try?” Healer Tilonel was smiling, holding out a thin book on the applications of occlumency in mind healing.

“Yeah, I’ve read about it before but it wasn’t useful for what I was planning then. I’d like to try it.” Harry took the book and studied it religiously. If he could get better than he would be more helpful- no, he wasn’t supposed to judge his worth by his helpfulness. If he could get better then he would be healthier. So Harry studied and practiced and managed to calm his mind just the slightest bit.

The nightmares were still ever present, but they had gone back to the intensity of when he was living in Potter Manor. He still felt a bit sick when not working, but he could push passed it and enjoy what he was doing at the moment instead. He still struggled to write letters, but he could now think of how he had affected the important people in his life. He could think of Cedric without feeling like he had to do something for him, or feel sad. He could just love him. Harry found himself happy one day, he hadn’t even noticed that he had been getting lighter, but one day he woke up and didn’t immediately reach out for his research. Everything would be okay with time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Harry gets some support, gets a bit better, sees a ‘mind healer’. Of course, healing isn’t linear and Harry has a lot to work on, which you’ll see throughout the fic.
> 
> Harry: I’m emancipated, you can’t make me do anything!  
> Remus: No, you’re emaciated, please eat something  
> Harry: First of all, rude. Secondly, yeah that’s fair
> 
> Good news! I finally finished chapter chapter 23! As expected, once I started writing it wasn’t that bad and I’m super pumped to keep writing again. I love when reading my writing and plans motivates me :)


	7. Move In Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grimmauld Place, and a few more reunions.

**_Muggleborn And Family Attacked! Culprits Unknown!_ **

_ This very evening, the family of young Isabella Connell was brutally murdered in their own home. Isabella was a muggleborn about to start her second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry before her life was tragically cut short. She and her family seem to have been killed by the killing curse and their bodies then covered in transfigured mud, which is in reference to her blood purity. The culprits of this heinous crime are yet unknown, but the auror department is tracking them down, ready to achieve justice for the young witch. If you see any suspicious activity or the Dark Mark, do not engage. Instead, call the experienced auror who are here to protect you. For more information on giving tips, see page seven… _

-

“Are you ready for the move?”

Harry looked up from the plate he had been pushing his dinner around on. “I guess so. I think I’m a bit worried about seeing so many people. You said you don’t know who’s there, right?”

“No, I know that Sirius and Remus are there a lot, but nobody else.” Stan looked apologetic, though it wasn’t his fault that he hadn’t been entrusted with any information.

“I guess I’m as prepared as I can be then.” Harry finished off his dinner and stood. “I’m going to go make sure that everything is packed.”

Stan nodded his acknowledgment and Harry retreated to his room. He had already finished packing and double checked, he just wanted to lay in the dark for a bit. He reached into his trunk and pulled out the invisibility cloak. Not his, but Barty Crouch Jr.’s. Healer Tilonel had suggested that if he kept using an invisibility cloak at home he could try to get used to his second one, which he has thus far avoided. Harry pulled it over his shoulders, trying not to think about who wore it last, and collapsed onto his bed.

Harry lay in the dark, completely invisible, and began his nightly ritual of organizing his thoughts. It wasn’t a shield like most types of occlumency, simply an organizatinal system. It worked well enough for Harry though, occasionally letting him get an extra half hour of sleep.   
-

Moving to the safe house apparently required a group of guards. Remus, Moody, and a woman named Nymphadora, who called herself Tonks, showed up on their doorstep that morning. Tonks had complimented Harry’s dark purple hair, changing hers from bright pink to purple in only a split second. Harry was just a bit jealous.

They were flying to the safe house. It was the first time Harry had flown since he had managed to sneak in a leisure fly at Hogwarts the previous year and he had almost forgotten how much he loved it. They rose high above the town, disillusionment spells applied, and raced to their destination.

After a wonderfully long flight, they touched down in front of a row of old houses. It looked very muggle. Moody held out a piece of paper to Harry. It read, ‘Number 12 Grimmauld Place’. Moody then lit the paper of fire, forcing Harry to drop it as it turned to ash. “But there isn’t a-”

As Harry spoke, the walls of numbers eleven and thirteen began to shift and move aside, revealing number twelve. “Wow.”

“Come on now, inside you go. Can’t be lingering out here too long.” Moody said gruffly, limping up to the front door and pulling it open. “Come on then!”

Harry ran up the steps after the rest of the group and stepped into the house. His first impression was that it was as opposite to the outside of the building as possible. Where the outside had been muggle and modern, the inside was quite magical and looked much older than the bricks outside. There was even a troll leg umbrella stand, which was kind of disgusting.

“So,” Harry asked, “Who’s staying here?”

“Well, you and Stan will be. Sirius and I are here most of the time but sometimes we’re out or at home. The Weasley family is here, as well as Hermione. And, er, D-” Remus was cut off by somebody, or several somebodies, stampeding down the stairs.

Ron burst into the entryway, followed closely by Hermione, and several more people right behind them. “Harry!”

“Ron!” Harry said in surprise as Ron bowled him over. Somehow the only thing he could think to say was, “You got even taller.”

“You’re just short!” Ron then punched his arm, “Seriosuly. Months without any communication and that’s the first thing you say?”

Hermione pushed her way forward, “Honestly, Ron, he’s probably overwhelmed. And to be fair, you did get taller.”

Ron, towering over the both of them, scowled. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“Wait a minute! Let me seen my godson for at least a minute before you steal him.” Sirius had appeared, smiling and greeting Harry with a hug. “It’s good to see you Harry. You had us all worried there for a bit.”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that. I promise that I’ll make it up to you.”

Sirius laughed, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll regret saying that when Molly has you cleaning this place up.”

Harry looked around at the various knicknacks and shuddered. Ron rolled his eyes, “Come on mate, let’s go.”

Harry allowed himself to be dragged up some stairs and into a bedroom that was clearly Ron’s based off of the Chudley Cannon posters, chest burning all the while as he was reminded just how much he loved his friends. Hermione and Ginny piled in after them. “Merlin’s beard, I’m so glad you’re finally here Harry. I’ve had to deal with Malfoy all summer!”

Harry gaped.

“You’ve barely seen him Ron. And that’s not his name anymore.”

“Well I can’t exactly go around calling him Black, that’s Sirius’s name.”

“You could just ignore him like the rest of us!”

Harry and Ginny traded long suffering looks as the two began to argue. “So. Why is Mal- Draco here?”

“Did you see in the paper that he and his mum got away from his dad?”

“Yeah, it was a bit surprising. I didn’t realize when they said Sirius hid them that they meant he hid with them.” Harry found it hard to imagine Sirius willingly going near Ma- Draco and his mother.

She shrugged, “They don’t know. But this is also the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore’s secret resistance group, so that’s why all of the adults are here, though Percy just stays in his room. We’re just along for the ride, since we aren’t allowed to hear anything they say.”

“Yet they’re okay with having two Slytherins in the house. They’re mad!” Ron and Hermione had stopped bickering.

Hermione scoffed, “They took precautions. They’re both under the Unbreakable Vow to not reveal the location of the Order or any of its secrets. I don’t think they want to anyway, everybody knows that they abandoned You Know Who.”

“I don’t care as long as Draco doesn’t come too near me.” Ginny was scowling darkly and Harry was reminded that it was Lucius Malfoy who gave her Tom Riddle’s diary.

“Well, Harry, tell us what you’ve been doing all summer.” Ron said. The three of them turned expectant eyes on him and Harry desperately wished that he were invisible.

“Well, erm, I left St. Mungo’s alone,” He started awkwardly. “I went to Potter Manor instead of the Dursley’s. I stayed there the whole time doing… things.”

Apparently his explanation was not good enough. But Harry didn’t really want to reveal what he had been working on in fear that they would tell him to stop.

“Wait a second, are those tattoos?” Hermione gasped.

Ginny’s eyes lit up, “Wicked.”

“Harry!” Hermione cried, “When did you get tattoos? And what are they?”

Harry obliged, pulling up his sleeves to reveal the full tattoos. Ron gaped at the two circles around each wrist. “Mate, don’t tell me you got a form of magic permanently put onto your skin.”   
Harry stayed silent. “What if it killed you!”

“It didn’t! It won’t! I spent forever planning them out, and they work!” Harry wouldn’t tolerate Ron criticizing his rune tattoos. He had put so much work and effort into them, so many hours of revolutionary research.

Hermione tentatively asked, “What do they do? I recognize some of the combinations but most of the grammar of the runes is far too advanced for me.” 

Ron and Ginny stared open mouthed at her, but Harry wasn’t surprised. “They’re master level grammar and combinations, I’d be amazed if you could understand them. Their purpose is to transfer some of my own energy and magic into someone else and heal them temporarily, specifically healing the mind from the cruciatus curse.”

The three went silent at the reminder of what had happened to Cedric. Hermione spoke up again, “So do you think that you’re close to being a Master Runist.”

“There are a lot of things that I don’t know still, but honestly?” Harry debated being humble, “I’ve spent so many hours researching the most complex runes that I’m almost there, I even passed the requirement of creating my own advanced rune circle. It’s what I’m planning on pursuing when I graduate.”

“Well,” Ron said awkwardly. “Do you want to try and listen in on the Order meeting with the twins?”

-

Life at Grimmauld Place was familiar yet distant. Harry was there with his best friends, yet some days he could barely bring himself to speak ten words to them. He had to help clean out the rooms of dangerous items, and he thoroughly enjoyed the Black library, but the house elf helping certainly wasn’t Tibby. He cast silencing spells on himself before bed so he wouldn’t accidentally wake Ron with his nightmares. When doing work, Harry could do magic while the rest of the underage kids had to do things by hand. It gave the distinct impression of Harry’s normal life, but a couple of inches to the left.

Percy had stayed in his room the entire week that Harry had been at Grimmauld Place so far. Apparently he had been like that all summer after he got fired from the Ministry. Harry also had yet to see Malfoy, or rather, Draco Black. He had caught glimpses of Ms. Black, or Narcissa (Mrs. Black was Sirius’s mother), walking around the house or having tea, but not her son. She looked tired and worn, making Harry wonder how Draco would be once back at school. As part of the Unbreakable Vow Sirius had apparently made the two of them promise to not call muggleborns slurs.

Harry was struggling to adjust to his new housing situation so it was by the end of that first week that Healer Tilonel suggested something. “Why don’t you try getting some part of your old daily routine back?”

So Harry had owled Ernie, asking if he could still get his job as a Knight Bus navigator back. The response had been an enthusiastic yes, signed by both Ernie and Gwen. When Harry told Stan that night that he would be going with him to work, he was hugged so hard that he was lifted into the air, making his heart feel as if it were on fire and requiring a good use of the cream he had been given to dull the pain. “Everybody's going to be so pleased to see you again,” Stan informed him, dragging him outside and calling the bus.

The Knight Bus appeared for Harry for the first time in months, as shockingly purple as always. “Welcome aboard,” Gwen called, leaning out of the bus. Her hair was cut shorter into a bob now, Harry wondered when she had cut it.

Stepping on, Gwen pulled Harry into a tight hug. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry Gwen.”

“I know you are darling, I got your letters. I just had to tell you in person.” Gwen then released Harry and smiled at Stan, “Glad you finally brought our navigator back Stan. Thought I’d never see him again.”

Stan climbed on, “You knew I’d bring ‘im back eventually Gwennie. ‘E just can’t stay away.”

“Well, I was planning on going home after my shift, but I think I’ll have to stay just a bit longer to catch up with Harry.” Gwen pulled off the jacket of her uniform and sat down in the seat across from Harry. “So darling, how’s seeing your friends again?”

“It’s,” Harry struggled to find the right words to describe it. “It’s okay,” He settled on.

Gwen raised an eyebrow, “What’s wrong kiddo?”

“Well, it’s been so long since I’ve talked with them and now I’m so much different and I don’t know how to act anymore and I’m scared that we won’t be friends anymore.”

“Wow, that is a lot.” Gwen then tried to reassure him, “Just because you’re a bit different doesn’t mean you won’t be friends anymore, everybody changes, you just happened to change a bit more. Speaking of which, are those tattoos I see?”

Harry groaned, “Yes. They are tattoos. Yes, I made sure they’re safe. Yes, I know what I’m doing. No, they are not removable.”

“Well dang, guess I’m not the first to ask that question.”

“Everybody. Everybody asks.” He sighed, “Thanks for the advice though. I just hope it goes back to normal soon.”

Gwen hummed thoughtfully, “You know, maybe you’ll just get yourself a new normal.”

Harry glared at her. “Sheesh, I guess you angsty teens don’t want the advice of your elders anymore.”

Before Harry could reply, the bus slammed to stop. Sophia clambered on, deftly avoiding Stan’s bow, and headed straight for Harry. He gulped nervously, she looked ready to kill him. “Do you know how close I was to pulling out a forbidden spell and tracking down your location and forcing you to come with me?”

“Uh, no. I’m sorry?”

Ernie interrupted before Sophia could continue, “We’re all very glad to see you Harry. And we were all worried about you, each in our own way. Sophia’s just happens to be threatening to commit crimes while on my bus like I have repeatedly told her not to do.”

“You won’t kick me off,” She challenged.

Ernie sighed, “Just sit down Sophia. Maybe I’ll start picking you up later so you can’t just hang around on the bus for so long before going to work.”

Sophia scowled, but didn’t seem to think that Ernie was bluffing. She sat down in the seat behind Gwen and asked, “When are we getting Gary and Morwen?”

“Neither of them have called for the bus yet, but it’ll probably be soon.” As if on queue, a new dot of light appeared on the map and Ernie teleported the bus to it right away.

Morwen stalked onto the bus, hair elegantly braided and twisted as always, and locked eyes with Harry. “You can be quite foolish at times.”

“I know.”

“I do not blame you.” Morwen continued, ignoring Harry’s confused look, “Pursuit of knowledge in the attempts of healing oneself is not uncommon. I just wish that you had not decided to separate yourself, though perhaps you thought it necessary.”

Harry blinked. “Er, yeah. Ernie, Gary’s calling.”

Once again the bus teleported, picking up Gary. He simply sat down and gave Harry a smile, “I’m glad you’re back to work kid. How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing okay I think. Seeing so many people again is a bit weird though.”

Gary nodded in understanding, “Better to get used to it now than when you go back to Hogwarts.”

Harry shuddered at the thought of going from the empty Potter Manor to the busy halls of Hogwarts. “I don’t think I would have survived.”

Gary chuckled, and it was like everything was normal again for once. Not exactly the same, but still good. Maybe Gwen was right, he had a new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the break from angst. (Except for poor Isabella and her family, Rest In Peace random OC) Also, Draco is at Grimmauld Place. Guess I can add that Draco Malfoy redemption tag now.  
> Guess who’s on chapter 27?? This author!! Oh jeez, that means onky 6.5 chapters left to write. And I still am not sure about book four. Like, I sort of have a plot but I need to cement it and separate it out into chapters and figure out how some details will work and wrangle all of the characters (why do I have so many characters? Why?) into place.


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